I feel like a slut but I have to do this

This is mainly about my wants and interests and my darkest thoughts, I’m a 19 year old woman and open to a lot.

Ok so to start, I was touched/molested, however it is said when I was 14 by my dad, even tho I know it was wrong I miss him.
Since I am doing this to turn on some ppl and myself I am going to tell some stories about our time,

It started off slow, I remember him kissing me on the lips and telling me that some daddies and there girls kiss with tongue, I kinda liked it so I did it when he wanted and then it moved to cuddling and doing a little bit more with that, he would put me on his lap while we watched tv in the living room, he would slowly slip his hand up my shirt and I wouldn’t say anything since I didn’t mind.

A little after he started touching my pussy, that’s when he started telling me more about how this is something that only me and him do and he can’t help but want to do more with me. He would call me beautiful and perfect. I think this helped the manipulation and grooming, he would also say how I look just like my mother and he was in love with her before she left.
He was gentle and by the time he started playing with my pussy I got nervous and it felt confusing. He would stop when it came to fingering me fast, but the slow thrusts with his fingers make me miss him.

He would lay me down and get some strawberry lube so I would enjoy the smell, he would make me open my legs and go between them and start playing with me, slowly going deeper with his fingers, being very gentle but I was scared since he had really big fingers so I never let him go to far or fast.
When I turned 15 things changed, Covid hit and it was us home all the time, he started making me make food for him and clean for him and cuddle more and when I refused he would clean my room out of my pc, books, coloring, toys, and other things to keep me entertained. He would give them back once I went to him and told him I loved him and I know he’s mad but I want him to touch me again and I want to Touch him.

Just thinking about this right now is turning me on, the blackmail and the power he had over me, I hated when I had to do those things to be happy but it just made me crave them more. A good way to describe this is my internet life at 14-16.

I was on video games such as overwatch, where I had a mic and sometimes older men would flirt and stuff, then the ones I liked would ask to talk in a pribate call and would tell me how pretty I sounded and ask for a picture, I of course sent them like a dummy but I loved the praise, they would tell me so many amazing things so when they asked for naked pictures I asked why.
They always let me know it was so they could jerk off to me and how just one picture would get them off so fast, I loved this and felt like it was my duty to help lol.

I was being groomed by these men online and my daddy would take my phone every few weeks to go through it. He would find the nudes and even if I deleted the pictures and apps and all that he would find a way to get to them and come out of his room showing me what I had done and punishing me by taking away my stuff and waiting for me to go beg him for them back or go let him lick my pussy. This happened a lot… I was a slut and one time which really got me messed up I think, he pretended to be someone I was ‘dating’ online.

So this starts off on amino, an app I used to use to text adults, what’s crazy is my dad knew I had this and he accepted that I role played with ppl sexually. The weird thing is he made a profile that said he was 18, in ca, and had a whole bio made like a pro. I also found him on the app in the section where it tells you who’s in the chat room and active. I sent him a message first and from there we talked, I talked to this boy about my life and school and the worst… my sexual fantasies, we did role plays and even said I love you. My dad about a month in asked me one time in the car ‘this boy ur talking to that I saw last time I checked ur phone…do u really love him or is this just a game for you’. I said it was just a game and he didn’t bring it back up.
I want to preference how bad this was…. I did a santa and eleves show/gangbang roleplay with my dad. Thinking he was some random boy. I found out the simple way, he fell asleep watching tv and I texted the boy.. his phone lit up. I texted him again and his phone lit up again, I did it 5 more times just to be sure and later that night I confronted him.

He just said sorry and after I told him it was a game for me he didn’t think he had to stop.

Anyway he went to jail for what he did to other children which makes me sick but I miss when it was just me and him. I didn’t know about the stuff he was doing online with those kids but I am sad for them.

Ok so back to me, the consequeses of this happening is this. I’m a huge slut, I love to obey, I love to listen and be controlled and I want to be raped, ruined and used. I wanna be watched and admired and came on. I love the idea of being watched and want to so badly open an only fans but I’m scared and unsure how to start.

I also love getting paid for just picture or videos, it turns me on so much and I’ll legit do anything just to get praise and prizes, I know that sounded like a money grab but it is a huge turn on.

I also love incest and would play with myself to other stories. I wanna get dms and texts from this, stories about you guys or advice or even ppl wanting to see some more of me and or help me build a platform for this or stream. Idk just no one I know would be ok with this.

Kik: raven_mercury109
Snap: mew-yooo