22F, love my tits hurt and abused.

I was younger when I first had sex with Dean my eventual husband. I married him at 19, he was 27. He showed me off like a prize to all his friends. I should have known but eventually he would make me strip for men at our house. I told him I didn't like it, I was his, not theirs. That got me a slap across the mouth, lots of blood and a couple loose teeth. I was bleeding and crying as he fucked me. I have D cup boobs, I'm 5ft. 9in tall, a little plump at 130lbs. Dean was not my first, but was my second for sex, fourth for BJ's and first at anal. He hurt me with anal, it was punishment for when I did or didn't do something for him. He started during our first sex, pulling, tugging on my boobs, and especially pinching, pulling and twisting brutally my nipples. He'd let go and I'd feel the relief, then a fist to my boob and I'm in pain again. Sometimes he would punch my pussy lips, making me hole my legs up and spread while he punched it. He'd usually get mad at my moving and hedging from his hits, that I'd get hit in the face and head, then rolled over and fucked in my ass. That too was always brutal and long and painful.

I got away from him, he broke into my apartment and beat me and raped me three times, then he was arrested for raping a girl and sent to prison. After he was gone, my bruising and cuts receded I did find Paul. He was so gentle and loving, I can honestly say it was the first time I was made love to. Paul also had the biggest cock I'd ever seen, even in porn videos. He stretched me so much, but I loved the feeling. No matter what I couldn't cum though. I always came with Dean, even with the hitting and whipping, the punching. I realized that with my next lover Claude that the only way I got close to cumming was when I'd pinch my own nipples while we were having sex. He never got the hint, even when I put his thumb and forefinger on my nipples and told him to pinch, real hard. He never did it hard enough, never twisted, never punched my boobs. I liked the pain, it gets me wet and I di it all when I use my vibe on myself. I even let Claude watch me masturbate doing all that and he still just couldn't bring himself to do it hard enough.

Knowing that Dean was getting out soon I even thought about maybe being there to pick him up on his release date, hoping to get what I need in sex. I knew he'd hit me more than I wanted but the sex would be what I needed. Then with about 2 months to go before his parole, he was found in a cot with a younger prisoner, raping him. He's got another 7 years added and has to serve his whole first sentence.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be beaten up anymore, but I need painful sex.