Why I am who I am

My life story, I didn’t want it to be this way. It’s just what life gave me. So I tried to make the best of it.

I grew up in a “broken” home you could say. Mom left us about the time I needed her the most. She gave me the sex talk, then about two months later she was gone. I was 12 and left with my father and brother to grow up with. It wasn’t bad. I should say it wasn’t bad to begin with. Dad was strict but he didn’t beat me unless I needed a whipping. When he did whip me, I didn’t ever want to do whatever it was that made me get the whipping.
My brother got a lot of them, whipping that is. He wasn’t the brightest kid. Older than me by two years. But dumber than dirt.
Growing up as the only girl in the house, I was put to work doing dinner and cleaning, my brother took care of the yard. My dad just worked in town and drank most every night.
I grew up in Kentucky, with everything you could imagine being from that state involved. I was sure that life was be so much better if I could leave.
We lived in the middle of nowhere. Our town was 30 miles away. With the closest neighbors 5 miles away.
Yes my dad and brother would look at me if I wore shorts or didn’t bother with a bra. It didn’t take me long to see this. So I learned quickly to shower in the morning Before they woke up. And get dressed with my door closed.
I wasn’t going to fall pray to all the stereotypes of those dumb Kentucky girls. How is going to save myself for marriage. I was so stupid. Although I almost made it. Then it happened.
I made it to 17 a jr in high school with a nice boyfriend and lots of friends at school. My teachers called me smart but I never saw it.
Anyway, my boyfriend John wanted what all boyfriends wanted. But I stood my ground. I would let him feel my tits over my shirt and rub between my legs as we rode home on the bus together. But never more than just rubbing my and and few French kisses. I was a good girl.
Until I wasn’t.
“Come on Jen, we’ve been dating since 9th grade. You know I’m going to marry you when we finish school”
“I want to John. Don’t you think I want to. I’m not going to get pregnant. I’m not going to end up like all those other girls.”
“No body is looking back here. Can’t you just give me a quick blow job?”
“Here! On the bus? Are you crazy?”
But I looked around and it was true no one was looking or cared. And I did want to. I was just as horny as John was. I masturbated every time I got home. Thinking about how wonderful my wedding night would be. So I timidly reached for his pants and unzipped him.
His cock wasn’t all that, but I didn’t know it at the time. It was a very nice and very clean 5 inch circumcised dick. Which fit easily into my mouth. I may have been a virgin, but I knew what to do. I sealed my lips around his dick and bob my head a few times. That’s all it took, I was disappointed. I thought it would take longer before I got a mouthful of cum. I was just getting into it then my mouth was filled with John’s cum. And I mean filled. I thought about spitting it out as I sat there wondering what I should do. His cock still twitching in my mouth. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard twice.
I came up looking at John’s smiling face. I was happy. I had made my boyfriend happy. I had tasted my first dick. I was going to be able to tell my best friend April all about it. Two minutes later John got off the bus and I sat alone for the rest of my long bus ride home.
I was replaying it over in my head and thinking about how it was going to feel when he put that wonderful dick between my legs. Then my world fell apart, I looked up and everyone was off the bus. Which meant my stop should have been the next one but the bus was stopped on a dirt road and Mr. Ben was walking back towards me. His large body moved like a predator about to jump on its prey. I didn’t see it then of course. All I saw then was Mr. Ben walking back to me smiling. My mind was racing with what he could have stopped for. His white teeth showed bright large black face. Everything was large about Mr Ben.
“Don’t be scared Jen. I just wanted have a talk with you. I saw your head disappear back when John was on the bus. I know he’s a good guy and you and him are both good students. But this is something I can’t allow. I’m afraid I’m going to have to have a talk with your dad about this.”
I had just gotten a whipping for not doing the dishes after dinner that Sunday. My ass tensed up just thinking about my dad‘s belt slashing my bottom again.
“Please Mr. Ben. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. Please don’t tell anyone.”
“ well what are you gonna do for me Jen? Is there anything you can give me that would make me want to keep my mouth shut?”
“ I don’t have much. I just have $40 in babysitting money but it’s yours if you want it.”
“What if I wanted what you gave John?”
I looked at him in disbelief. Then in defeat. I knew if I didn’t do whatever he asked I would be whipped and made out to be a whore. But if I gave him what he wanted. I would just be a whore without the beating. I was so fuck. I thought about how the rest of that year would play out. Sucking cock every day after school. But what could I do. If I tried to turn it around and say he made me do things with him. No one would believe me. Mr Ben was a sweet old man who picked up everyone’s kids. No one would think he would do this to me. I just nodded my head.
“I can do that. I’m not very good at it. I just.. John was… that was my first time “
“ I’ll teach you how to do it right. Don’t worry, Jen come over here and kneel between my legs.”
His legs were spread wide in the seat across the aisle from me. I stood up and stepped between his legs. Then lowered myself down to my knees which made me feel caught between the sit in behind me and Mr. Ben. Which was the way he wanted it to feel. I have often wondered how many times he took advantage of the girls on his bus. At the time, I thought it was just me. It was a few years later before I realized he probably did it to a lot more.
I reached out and unzipped his pants. He lifted up just a little bit and pulled his pants down to his knees. His cock was a LOT bigger than John’s. I would guess 7 inches but it was thick. I was shocked to say the least.
“ yeah it’s a lot bigger than your little boyfriend’s”
I tried to smile, growing up with my dad and brother in the house I knew better than to make fun of him. I played to his ego.
“ I’ll try my best.”
I took that fat cock in my hand and started slowly jacking him off. I put the top half of his dick in my mouth and started sucking. It was nothing like the two minutes I spent with john
Mr Ben rested his large hand on top of my head and kept me going there for a long time. His cock got nice and hard. I thought I was doing something wrong. Because he didn’t cum fast. He just sat there smiling down at me. My knees hurt, my back hurt, my mouth was aching. The warm spring sun was coming through the window making it hot. And there was was a short little white girl sucking on a black man’s dick in the middle of the woods in Kentucky. Making all those damn stereotypes come true. I was white trash and I knew it.
Mr. Ben took his hands a rub my tits, then squeeze in them hard. I was going to ask him to stop, but what would’ve been the point. I just kept on working. When they called it a blow job. I didn’t realize that sometimes that minute was real work. But soon enough, all my work paid off. Mr. Ben pushed my face down to his balls I thought I was going to throw up. His cock was in my throat and twitching just like John’s did. When he was done I felt his cock pull out, I thought it was going to last forever. I finally saw the tip of his cock again and looked up into his eyes.
“That was nice Jen. Really nice. Don’t you worry. This will be our little secret okay.”
“Okay Mr Ben. Can you please take me home now. I don’t want to be late. “
And so just like that I was shit. Sucking cock after school every afternoon. Everything John did pissed me off and before school let out that summer we had broken up. He thought it was because he asked for that damn Blow Job. And in a way it was. Just not the way he thought it was.
The last week of school Mr. Ben wanted more than just a little sucking on his dick. I knew it was coming. How long can a man just be satisfy with a girl sucking his dick. Especially when there was nothing really stopping him from taking the whole package
“ please, Mr. Ben. I’m trying to save myself for marriage. Please don’t make me do this.”
“ well I need to put this dick in a hole. You can choose which one. I’m just getting tired of that mouth of yours. Not if I put it up your ass it’s going to hurt a whole lot more than that little pussy of yours.”
I just shook my head and started to cry. “Please don’t make me “
“Up to you. Which one will it be Jen?”
“My ass, I guess. I have to keep myself from becoming pregnant. Can you please be gentle Mr Ben.”
And to my surprise he was. He had my knell on the bus sit with my ass in the air and my face buried in my hands. Then I felt his tongue licking me from the back. It started to feel really good. Then he wet his fingers and took a long time pushing them in and out of my butt. He would lick and kiss my asshole then go right back to fingering my. When he said it was time for his cock I just shook my head and waited for it. I was thinking maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. And I guess it wasn’t. Or it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I just didn’t know it at the time. Because his cock pushing up inside me hurt like nothing I had felt before. He even took it out on spit on it a few times. I could tell he was trying to be careful with me. But it hurt. And after waiting for so long Mr Ben finally just gave up and rapped my ass like I was a 50-year-old whore that had taken it every day. He didn’t care. His lust took over. And those long, powerful strokes just kept on coming.
Over and over again. I screamed in those woods and scared every animal within 10 miles away from there. I begged him to hurry. I begged him to just cum in my ass to make it stop. It seemed to go on forever. But in truth it was probably only 15 minutes. The longest 15 minutes of my life at that point.
When he slammed into me and emptied his balls into my ass I must have had my first anal orgasm. Because all at once it felt good everywhere. It might’ve just been the relief that it was over. But I felt my pussy leaking down my leg. I was so wet and the joy I felt was l unbelievable. It was like all the pain was worth it. But then he took that big fat cock out of my ass.
And the pain soon came back. I also farted and shit all over the floor. Mr. Ben looked disgusted with me. But then that flash of pity crossed his face. Like he knew he shouldn’t have done it to begin with.
“ that’s all right, Jen I’ll clean that up. You just straighten yourself up and dry your eyes. Wouldn’t want your daddy to know you took a fat cock up your ass before you got home.”
He laughed at my discomfort. As I pulled up my underwear. A glob of cum smeared on the bottom. My asshole was leaking all the way down the driveway as I limped and farted my way to the house, cursing our long driveway all the way home.
I sat in the bathroom wiping my ass till the bleeding stopped. I wondered about why I felt so good when Mr Ben came. Jason knocked on the door and told me to hurry up with dinner. So I pulled up my shit stain underwear and went to work making dinner.
I’m 50 years old know. And have a wonderful long life full of sex and rape and tragedy. Full of all the things that make stories like this one enjoyable to read. Because we are all so sick. I wonder why we aren’t all in jail.
If you want to hear more about it. Let me know in the comments.